


Dear Darlin'

by Mzeh13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, I have no soul, It hurt my heart to write this, M/M, One Shot, Self Harm, Suicide, YouTube!Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mzeh13/pseuds/Mzeh13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's marks of red enriched in hate that hurt. It's the way they smiled as he walked away. It's the melody of fear that breaks him into pieces.</p><p>It's the end and no one can hurt him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Darlin'

**Author's Note:**

> This is has no beta so there are mistakes, I apologise.

"Dear Darlin', please excuse my writing.  
I can't stop my hands from shaking cos I'm cold and alone tonight.  
I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.  
And no one understands what we went through.  
It was short. It was sweet. We tried."

Louis sang into the mic attached to his computer. It had been five months since he left without a trace. He knew the band continued like normal. They seemed happy still and laughed at jokes. Harry seemed the same. Louis had deactivated his Facebook, Twitter and his KIK. He changed his phone number and movd immediately. His stupid father ruined everything. The thought of the man that ruined everything sent waves of fear through Louis. Louis felt a tear fall down his face as he continued.

"And if my words break through the wall and meet you at your door, all I  
Could say is:  
"Girl, I mean them all." yeah I do ooh."

He didn't try to hide the tears falling from the camera recording him. He tugged the sleeves of the oversized blue jumper he wore over his wrists, even though they weren't visible.

"Dear Darlin', please excuse my writing.  
I can't stop my hands from shaking cos I'm cold and alone tonight.  
I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.  
And no one understands what we went through.  
It was short. It was sweet.  
We tried."

Louis knew people would hate this video but they wouldn't know it had a meaning. Louis knew he and Harry could have become more, but he got scared and did the only thing he could think of. Louis ran. Louis put emotion into the song and closed his eyes trying to stop the everlasting tears.

Been thinking about the bar we drank in.  
Feeling like the sofa was sinking.  
I was warm in the hope of your eyes.

So if my words break through the wall  
to meet you at your door,  
all I could say is:  
"Girl, I mean them all."

His eyes opened again and he looked dead into the camera imagining it was Harry. Louis felt a pain erupt from his chest as he thought of Harry. Louis knew Harry was fine, he knew that the band was doing better. Their followers had increased over Twitter and they had more and more interviews and concerts booked. They sang in bigger arenas and looked as happy as they could ever be.

"Dear Darlin', please excuse my writing.  
I can't stop my hands from shaking cos I'm cold and alone tonight.  
I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.  
And no one understands what we went through.  
It was short. It was sweet. We tried.

Oh I concur. These arms are yours to hold.

And I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.  
And no one understands what we went through.  
It was short. It was sweet. We tried. We tried."

 

He finished the song and stopped the microphone and camera. He quickly downloaded it to his computer and edited the video to fit the song and camera together then uploaded it to his YouTube account. The only account he had left. His subscribers had increased since he had become famous so most people would see the update.

~|~~~~|~_~|~~~~|~

Soon thousands of people stumbled across the video and were commenting, liking, disliking. Everyone was reporting it on tumblr, Twitter and Facebook. Dine tines were panicking all over the world about Louis Tomlinson's return video. Little did they know it was more the a return, it was more of a goodbye.

Fans were tweeting the boys and One Directions main account asking if they had seen the video but the boys weren't, signed in. They were busily with management interviews and preparing for the upcoming interview being placed in ten minutes.

~|~~~~|~_~|~~~~|~

Harry paced back and forth waiting for the interview to take place, Liam and Niall sat on the couch talking whilst Lou finished styling Zayns hair. A woman in a black pantsuit walked inside holding a clipboard infront of her,

"Mr Styles, Horan, Malik and Payne. This was please." She ordered walking out the room with the boys trailing after her as fast as possible. Soon the were backstage waiting for their que to enter. The interviewer soon anounced them on stage and they place smiles on their faces. They walked onto the stage with huge smiles on. Fans cheered in the audience waving at their idols. Harry girls were jumping and Niall girls screaming. Board looking boyfriends clapped slowly watching the boy and take a seat.

The interviewer clapped their hands together and sighed loudly, "So you boys have been busy with concerts lately? Any time for a break?" 

"Well we take our jobs seriously and try to focus more on that then on breaks but it nice to take a break every know and then." Niall smiled placing his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. 

"Yah we end up normally just sleeping or watching movies in those breaks anyway." Harry admitted ginning at the interviewer. The interviewer smiled sadly and took a deep breath in,

"That sounds like fun. Have you been on twitter recently? Or the internet? Or seen the news papers?" He asked slowly waiting for a reaction.

"No, not really. Why has something happened?" Liam questioned raising an eyebrow. The interviewer faced the man backstage whispering something quickly before speaking again,

"Yes. Directioners have been going crazy over the new video posted on YouTube by Louis Tomlinson. The video was of him singing a song and literally crying. It was very emotional and currently had over five million views. The video was posted yesterday." 

Harry tensed up he felt hatred envelop his body. He was still so angry at a Louis for leaving without a note. He was sad at first but know it was just plain hatred. Zayn and Niall were still recovering from the loss of their bandmate whilst Liam just focused on singing no matter how bad he hurt from Louis going missing. They still don't know where he is. Harry heared fans gasp around the room as the room darkened,

"Let's take a look at the video." The interviewer said turning to the screen.

It took every bone in Harry's body to turn and look, once he was Louis his heart leap forward. Louis looked the same. His hair was longer and more fluffy, he had stubble along his jaw and he had a vacant look in his eye. Louis started to sing and the room fell silent.

"Dear Darlin,  
Please excuse my writing,  
I can't stop my hand from shaking,  
Coz I'm cold and alone tonight." 

The song carried on and the boys saw the pain in Louis' eyes, how sad he looked and they saw the tears falling down their ex band mates cheeks. Liam forgot about singing and focused on Louis. Niall and Zayn forgot their sadness towards Louis and focused on how frail he looked. Louis' neck was more bony and his collarbones stuck out clearly. It frightened Zayn. 

The song stopped and Harry fell into a pool of tears. Liam, Niall and Zayn all surrounded Harry hugging him as tears ran down their own faces. They didn't know how badly they missed Louis until the video was made.

"I'm sorry for being a failure and running when things got hard. I'm sorry about everything. I hope to be forgiven. Mostly I hope the boys will forget about me, I'm not worth their tears or hatred." Then the video stopped and the lights were switched back on. Harry banged the floor with his fist. His best friend was sorry, Harry knew Louis deserved to be sorry but he felt like he couldn't just assume why Louis left. Nobody knew why Louis ran away. They just knew he'd packed up in the middle of the night and left. The interviewer store up,

"And that's it for today. This was One Direction!" He addressed the crying fans and the curtains closed. Paths interviewer excited the stage leaving the boys. Harry felt his hand cramp up from the content hits on the floor. Zayn clunge to Niall and Niall clunge to Zayn. Harry looked at up Liam with a pleading, tear stained face.

"Liam, we need to find Louis."

~|~~~~|~_~|~~~~|~

Louis sat in his bathroom looking at the white tiles beneath him. The once perfectly glistening tiles were now link from the blood that dropped on in when the blade struck it's victim. Louis stared into emptiness. He knew the boys wouldn't care if they saw the video. They'd probably laugh and move on with their lives, they would forget about him just like he requested. 

Louis slowly dragged the blade along his wrists taking in a deep breath. He saw the familiar bubbles of blood appear on his arms. He smiled a sickly sweet smiles and ran the blade only his arms and stomach as if he were itching his skin. Soon the blood trickled down in tiny streams down his body. Louis ignored the blood and went downstairs into the small lounge turning on the television. His video was on the news, apparently it was one of the most popular things on the web but Louis ignored it and dabbed at the blood staining his skin. Using the blood he traced patterns into his skin. 

Suddenly Louis felt like he was struggling to breath. He knew he was just having one of those moments so he stayed calm and just lay on the floor closing his eyes. The moment passed soon and Louis stumbled into his room. He sat on the bed writing a note in shaky hand.

"Dear Darlin'  
Please excuse my hands from shaking"

He slipped the piece of paper into a envelop and wrote messily on the front 'Harry'.

Louis knew that if he wasn't going to be alive Harry might as well know the truth. A sudden urge to cut again tickled his mind. Louis tried to ignore the demon screaming for him to cut. Louis knew he was a victim in deaths twisted game. He was in deaths grip, death had picked on Louis. Death made him cut, become depressed, be worthless..loveless...

Louis took the same blade he used earlier and made more slices in his arms and thighs. He knew it was wrong but he had to do it. Feeling lightheaded Louis dragged himself into his bed pulling the duvet over him and placing the letter on his bedside table. Louis cried to himself as he waited for himself to bleed out but after an hour he knew it was stupid. He got out of bed with shaky bloodstained legs and walked into the bathroom opening the cupboard taking out the sleeping pills. He knew that if he was found they would never work because they would flush them out of his system but it was worth a shot. Louis took a handful and placed them in his mouth dry swallowing them. His vision began to blur and he felt lightheaded. Louis managed to stumble into his bed tears dripping down his face. The took his last clean breath of the air around him and fell into a drowsy state. His eyes closed and his chest sunk, never rising. The flat fell silent. Nothing moved.

It was official, Louis Tomlinson had committed suicide. And he succeeded.

 

 

THE NEXT DAY

 

They were still trying to figure out where Louis was but failed. It was impossible but they didn't give up hope. Harry walked down a field and sat down under a huge oak tree. He saw a figure in the distance walking towards him. Harry didn't notice him at first but soon recognised him. It was Louis. Or so he thought. Louis smiled at Harry sitting next to him. Hardy noticed something different about Louis. He seemed to glow more and was faint in the morning light.harry was lost for words, his boobear was here

"Louis! I missed you ever so. I love you so much please don't leave again, I don't think I'd ever handle it." Harry sobbed reaching towards Louis, Louis grabbed Harry's hand and stroked his cheek. Louis kissed Harry's cheek.

"I've already left thought Harry. I'll be here though," Louis smiled showing the crinkles by his eyes that Harry loved o much. He pointed to Harry's heart, "Right in your heart."

With that Louis disappeared and was replaced by Niall shaking Harry,

"Harry please stop crying, why are you crying?" He asked in an innecount voice. Harry looked into Nialls eyes and frowned,

"Louis was right here, he was talking to me then disappeared. Wait Niall." Harry paused smiling brightly, "I know where Louis is. He's in London, he's in the place where his aunt owned for a bit but soon left. Louis said that he'd go there if he would want to escape!" Harry cheered. Niall grinned happily and dialled Liam's number telling him where they were and where they were going. Liam agreed and him and Zayn soon picked them up.

"So Harry, direct us please."Liam said, Harry told the instructions and Liam followed.

Soon they pulled up into the car park for the building and Harry saw Louis' car.

"We've found him! That's his car!" Harry yelled full of excitement. Liam chuckled whilst Zayn ruffled Harry's hair. They climbed out of the car and went to enter the building when paramedics ran past them yelling a harsh "move!" Niall rolled his eyes. They were about to enter but a police officer pushed them back and wrapped 'Police line do not cross' around the poles outside the flat complex. Liam, Zayn, Niall and Harry frowned and tried to speak to the policeman to let them cross when the paramedics walked back out this time with a stretcher and a body on the stretcher. The body was covered in a white sheet but a hand fell from the stretcher. The hand and wrist were clearly visible and Harry gasped at the angry red cuts on them. Harry's eye caught on the ring in the finger. The ring was familiar. It was gold with a blue stone in the middle, Harry froze in shock and horror as realisation hit him. Louis was under the sheet. Harry fell in tears and the boys looked down at him with confused glances. Harry ignored them and ran past the tape ignoring the protests and yells. He ran to where Louis was being loaded into the ambulance and pulled the white sheet of his body showing the pale and skinny face of Louis Tomlinson. Liam, Niall and Zayn froze and ran after Harry. They didn't know what to do. It didn't seem to hit them that Louis was dea until a paramedic pulled a body bag over him and zipped it up. Zayn backed away tears falling from his eyes and ran away not knowing what else to do. Niall hugged Liam crying into his shoulder whilst Harry screamed grabbing his hair and choked on his sobs. Harry rolled on the ground ignoring the crowd surrounding the tape. People watching in shock and horror as Harry Styles rolled around the ground in pain. Not normal pain, but heartbreak. 

"Harry Styles?" Someone called out and Harry knelt on his shaky knees watching the officer walked up to him handing a letter to the broken boy. Harry' shaky hands riped it open and his heart leap when he saw Louis' familiar hand writing there were blood droplets here and there but the writing was visible.

Dear Harry,

I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to leave. I was being threatened by my father. He would hurt you and the boys if I didn't leave, so I did. I know I'm weak for giving up so easily.

I miss you so much and it hurts like crazy.. When you get this or if you get this I'm probebly dead. Please don't change anything. You and the boys are doing amazing without me. But I'm falling to pieces without you. I sang that song with out in mind.

I love you so fucking much Harry please don't ever miss me.

I'm so sorry, for everything. I'm sorry for leaving, for loving you, kissing you. I'm sorry that I regret none of it.

Forgive me?

Boobear xxx

 

ONE YEAR LATER

"I can't do it. It's not that same anymore. Nothing ever will. I could get through it when I knew you were out there happy but know I now you weren't. I wish you were here." Harry cried in the spot where he saw Louis' angel exactly a year ago.  
"We were meant to be there for each other. To love each other for ever and you fucked it up! I can't get over the fact you hated yourself so much that it drove you to overdose and cut. Mostly I hate myself for letting it happen. The band broke up. We hated the fact we even carried it on when you were missing. Zayn and Perrie don't talk to us. Liam and Niall keep in contact but we act more like strangers now. They want me to be a solo artist but I don't want to be ever. Your mum and sisters are talking to me. They were horrified by your death and changed drastically. Nobody's the same. I want to hate you but I just can't. I love you Louis. I want to be with you. I miss you so much. I cry every night and have a photo of you on my wall. I just can't get the picture of your dead body covered in cuts out of my head. Why? Why didn't you just defend yourself against your father or tell Paul?" Harry looked down at the grave that had LOUIS TOMLINSON BELOVED FRIEND, SON AND BROTHER. EARTH MAY HAVE LOST A HUMAN BUT HEAVEN HAS GAINED AN ANGEL engraved on it. Harry smiled and leaned against the tree staring at the tombstone that had his lovers ashes scattered around it.  
"I can't go through with it anymore Louis. I can't go through with the fact that your not there when we have interviews or anything. I hate waking up not seeing your face. Not smelling your scent. I want you back." Harry stood up and walked out of the field to the pavement.

"And if I can't have you, I'll have know body."

Harry stepped out into the road just as a lorry came speeding down it. Just before the lorry hit him he managed to whisper,

"We'll be together soon Lou."


End file.
